Dirty Your Boots
by SweetDulcinea
Summary: Falling for a cowboy is easy; letting him go is the hard part. When Bella's dreams aren't fulfilled, she believes love isn't enough anymore. Heartbroken, Jasper perseveres with his plan, holding onto the hope he can eventually prove his unending devotion.


This was my Fics for Nashville contribution. Maybe you read it way back then if you participated. If not, here you go. I hope it holds you over for a bit since I've had NO time to write in the past couple months. Love and miss you all!

A/N: All characters & recognizable references are property of their respective owners. No  
copyright infringement intended. This story is mine =) Chele681 & MsKathy gave this the beta  
magic. SpankRansom named Jasper's horse. Gratitude & respect to all who donated toward the  
relief efforts in TN.

* * *

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**BPOV**

Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I had to do it.

I loved Jasper Whitlock with all my heart. From the moment we first met, there was just something  
so compelling about him. With shaggy blond hair that constantly fell in his eyes and a smile that  
could melt an iceberg, I was his instantly. I had been at the barn where I boarded my horse,  
Sweetpea, when he came in with a couple other guys. I had experience around horses having  
spent time at my grandpa's farm as a child, but this was my first time owning and caring for one  
on my own. Grandpa's horses and the few goats and chickens he owned had been sold when he  
got sick, but just before he passed, he purchased Sweetpea for me and made the boarding  
arrangements. For the most part, I knew what to do with her, and I learned the rest through  
hands-on experience and the help of the woman who owned the farm. I had known her son was  
around my age, but we had yet to meet until that day.

I had spent most of the morning cleaning Sweetpea's stall and thoroughly grooming her, so I was  
undoubtedly a dirty, disheveled, stinky mess when I heard the boisterous laughter. The radio  
playing alerted them that someone was in the barn, but I stayed put with Sweetpea, unsure of how  
to greet a group of strangers. I wasn't uncomfortable around new people, but I had a tendency to  
get a little overwhelmed at times; not to mention that I was feeling embarrassed about my messy  
state. My intentions were not to eavesdrop on their conversation, but they were quite loud, and I  
quickly learned that their names were Emmett – his mom, Esme, was the owner of the boarding  
facility - Peter, and Jasper. Of course, I had no faces to put to those names, so when someone  
came to the stall door, I had no idea who I was facing.

"Hey, you're Bella, right?" a guy who looked like a linebacker asked. He smiled in a friendly  
manner, but my mind was reeling at the sight of him. He was one of the biggest guys I had ever  
seen in person, and I could not fathom how he ever got on a horse; he had to have weighed at  
least two-fifty.

I nodded, pausing from brushing my mare's tail and stepping off to the side. "Umm, yes."

"I recognized your truck. I'm Emmett," he said, offering his hand to shake. Dusting my hand off  
on the back of my jeans, I returned the gesture. "Mom's said a lot about you, and I've seen your  
girl in here, of course."

The introductory conversation continued, and before I could object, Emmett was pulling me out to  
meet his friends. The first, Peter, was chewing on a toothpick that he grinned around. He had a  
mischievous look about him that was attractive and intimidating all at once. I had a sense that he  
and Emmett were the two rowdier voices I had heard minutes before. The next had his back to  
me, but I could see long hair poking out from beneath a black cowboy hat. He was tall and had  
strong shoulders - dear god, the shoulders! - and when he turned to face me, my breath caught in  
my throat. His head was slightly tipped down, and the way he looked at me was strange and  
enticing. I wouldn't have called him shy, but he was clearly different from his friends. All I  
received was a soft, buttery, "Nice to meet you, Bella," but it was enough to entrance me.

As the guys proceeded to tell me that they were about to head out for a ride, my eyes kept going  
back to Jasper, even though Emmett and Peter were doing most of the talking. To my surprise, he  
was looking at me whenever I glanced his way, though he averted his gaze each time I caught  
him. When I attempted to excuse myself to finish up with Sweetpea, I was surprised by Jasper's  
soft voice.

"Would you like to come out with us? I see your saddle out here, and I thought if you're planning  
to ride today you might like to join us."

The other guys were all for the idea, and I was left without much choice in the matter even though  
my saddle was actually out for cleaning, not riding. I hadn't taken Sweetpea on any rides out of  
the arena since I had gotten her a few months before, so I took a chance and joined them. After  
cleaning up my tools, I saddled my baby girl and led her outside. By that time, Emmett had his  
beast of a horse, Zeus, ready to go. I learned that Jasper and Peter had ridden a couple of the  
Whitlocks' horses over from their farm a mile down the road. Everyone saddled up, boots in  
stirrups and hats on heads, for a ride in the spring sunshine.

We had a really great time, and even though I felt a bit out of place among their camaraderie and  
familiarity, I managed to loosen up. At first, the glances and sideways grins were all we shared,  
but Jasper and I eventually settled in riding side by side, allowing Emmett and Peter to take off  
ahead of us and play their games. We spoke when the horses were walking and laughed together  
during the runs across open fields. There were several times Jasper would be ahead and look back  
at me over his shoulder, smile bright and eyes twinkling, and I would completely lose myself in  
him. I'd had my share of crushes and boyfriends, but no one had ever made me feel so excited  
and drawn to him in such a short span of time.

By the time we returned, I was exhausted and hungry, and the guys all complained of being  
starved. Emmett and I headed for his mom's barn while Peter and Jasper rode off to the Whitlocks'  
to get the horses settled. I took my time, tired and sore, but Emmett finished quickly, feeding and  
watering Zeus before saying goodbye and leaving the barn. After cleaning my saddle, giving  
Sweetpea a rub down, and indulging her with an apple, I tightened my droopy ponytail and went to  
my truck. I was just about to back my big red clunker out when a white Jeep pulled in quickly,  
blocking my path. Surprised and slightly annoyed, I thrust it into park and glared into my mirror.  
My expression immediately softened when I saw Jasper leap out of the doorless Jeep and run over.  
Rolling down my window, I waited while he caught his breath, anxious to hear his explanation for  
cutting me off.

"Hey."

"Hey again, Jasper. What's up?" I asked, biting my lip. It was a nervous habit I'd always had.  
Jasper stepped closer to the truck, resting his forearm on the window frame and leaning in  
slightly. It was the closest we had been all day, and I noticed that his dark blue eyes were actually  
streaked with gray. It was unique and...really freaking pretty.

He smiled uneasily and took off his hat, holding it against the side of the truck. "I was just  
wondering if you want to hang out sometime?"

"Like a date?" I asked dumbly, shocked and excited by his request.

"Yeah, something like that. Or just as friends if you want," he said, adding the second part  
quickly. He seemed to be assessing my reaction and smiled when he saw my coy grin.

"That would be cool."

"Awesome," he said, reaching into his pocket for his phone. "Give me your number."

I didn't expect to hear from Jasper right away, but he called me that night, to my surprise, and we

talked for two hours before my body demanded sleep.

That was the beginning of our romance. Love came easily to us, and even though the fast pace of  
our relationship freaked me out at times, he settled my nerves and I knew we were right together.

After dating for three years, everything seemed to be falling apart, and I couldn't take it any  
longer.

We had been living together in a small apartment for a while, and we were at a point where I  
didn't feel like we were "us" any longer, and I didn't see how we could get back there. When we  
were together, things were so perfect that it was easy to forget the world around us, but for  
months, that world had been getting in our way, and we had lost some of our connection. Jasper  
was a foreman for a commercial construction company, which kept him busy overseeing worksites  
and workers, and he would often be gone for twelve or fourteen hours at a time. I had been  
working as a nurse at the hospital, and that meant swing shifts until I got some tenure there and  
could be placed on a regular schedule.

Jasper and I talked about the future, but he was a thinker, a feeler, a stoic man, so sometimes it  
was difficult to communicate with him about those things. There was no one else I could imagine  
my life with, and I wanted to get married and buy a house. I wanted to start a family, but every  
time I brought up any of those things, he managed to skirt around the subject, avoiding it however  
he could. Being distracted with sex was definitely fun, but it didn't solve anything.

"When's the last time you went riding?" I often asked. He never had a real answer for me, instead  
settling on excuses of being too busy.

Sometimes I felt so determined for him to see my reasoning and snap out of whatever was going  
on that my words were nearly a guilt trip, but it was heartwrenching to feel so helpless and I  
couldn't help it.

"Your horse is at your family's farm, being cared for and exercised by someone else. You don't  
care about the things you used to love! We don't ride together anymore or do anything! Dirty  
your boots with something other than construction dust everyone once in a while, Jasper. Don't  
you remember how good it always felt to just go spend time with Rebellion or take him and  
Sweetpea out for the day?" Even then, I never received a response or explanation to those  
questions.

He had always been so good about taking care of me and nurturing our relationship, so that made  
it even more difficult to understand why he refused to move forward with me. At one point, in a fit  
of confusion and frustration, I asked if he was cheating on me. It would have explained the long  
hours away from home and the avoidance, but I immediately abandoned that suggestion when he  
crumbled at my feet in tears, proclaiming that I was his one and only, his forever, and that  
everything he did was for us. He begged me to trust him and understand, to just wait a little  
longer until work slowed down and then we could have everything we ever wanted.

But I couldn't wait any longer. I loved him. I needed him. I needed the security and the  
reassurance that we were moving forward, and I wasn't getting that from him. I grew tired, no  
exhausted, of never seeing him, of him always being worn out and overworked. It was too much.  
Walking out on him was something I had to force myself to do, but it was all I had left. I'd rather  
be alone than unhappy, I told myself. It was what I told him, too.

I had never seen Jasper so devastated or destroyed. His beautiful face shouldn't have been  
covered in tears, but it was a means to an end; I didn't deserve all the tears I had cried either.

No matter how much I missed him or how desperately I wanted to answer his calls, I couldn't allow  
myself to do it. Eventually, I had to change my phone number. I knew he could still find me or  
even get the new number if he wanted to, but it was part of my coping. If I allowed him to beg

and plead enough, I would undoubtedly go back to him, and I couldn't allow that to happen. Sure,  
we would have the reunion romance and he would make a lot of promises. Things would probably  
be good for a while, but in the end, love wouldn't be enough to make it work. He'd continue with  
the ridiculous investment in his job, and I would go back to longing for all the things he wasn't  
giving me.

Eventually, I wrote him a letter. It was mostly closure for myself, and I hoped it would be for him  
too. I told him that I didn't understand when we had changed or why he didn't want all those  
things that I did. My words were a little harsh when I pointed out how committed he was to his job  
but how his commitment to me had waned. It was an ugly truth, but the honesty was necessary.  
A week later, I received a card at work with only a few simply words of reply from him:

_Bella,_

_I will always love you and want you. Everything has been for you, and I hope that you'll give me_  
_the chance to prove that someday._

_Please don't forget about me. Please don't replace me._

_You are my heart,_  
_Jasper_

Those words stung, but I still read his card a thousand times, tracing over his handwriting with my  
fingertips. No one would ever replace him in my heart, even if I did eventually meet someone  
else. That was the last thing I wanted, though.

I moved on with my life because I had to. I rented a new apartment and continued saving to buy a  
house. Even if I had to do it on my own, I wouldn't give up that dream. Work took up a lot of my  
time, and Sweetpea filled most of the remainder. I still saw Emmett around the barn at his mom's  
place, even though he had moved out a while ago, and we remained friends to a certain extent.  
We didn't hang out like we used to with all our other friends, but we talked when we were both in  
the barn. I didn't ask about Jasper, and he didn't bring it up either.

Four months passed, and though I had settled into a comfortable lifestyle, there was still a huge  
hole in my heart. It didn't matter that I was the one who had made the decision to leave; I  
couldn't help what I wanted. I wondered how Jasper was doing, but I couldn't bring myself to call.  
I didn't want to get sucked back in because I knew it would be so much harder to walk away if I got  
even a taste of him again. Learning to deal with his absence was probably the hardest part. I  
could keep myself occupied, but losing him was like mourning, in a way. There were so many  
stages I had gone through. That's not to say I was miserable, but I knew my broken heart needed  
a little more time before I could consider another relationship.

I was at the hospital one day when I passed a familiar face in the cafeteria. It was Charlotte, a girl  
Peter had just started dating before I left Jasper. She greeted me with a smile and we made small  
talk for a few minutes; I learned that she was doing a three month rotation in the ER as part of her  
residency. I remembered her briefly mentioning being a doctor, but the details had never gone  
far. A week later, I saw her in the cafeteria again, and we had lunch together.

Charlotte was an easy person to get along with. She wasn't overly friendly, but she was a "call it  
like you see it" kind of woman, which seemed to work well for her as a doctor. Without hesitation,  
she told me that she and Peter were still dating and mentioned that they had been out at the  
Whitlocks' riding with Jasper. I was surprised to hear that he had moved back in with his family,  
but it wasn't my business anymore, so I didn't ask questions.

After another couple weeks of shared moments with Charlotte, I felt like I had made a new friend.  
It was a dangerous line to walk considering that extending our friendship outside the hospital

could lead to a run-in with Jasper. She didn't ask me questions about our breakup, but she wasn't  
shy about mentioning him in conversation. Eventually, she did want to do something socially, so  
we made plans to go riding. She claimed that she had become a better equestrian since we met  
and that she would borrow one of the Whitlocks' horses and meet me at Esme's on Saturday  
morning. I nervously agreed, paranoid that it was some trick, but I convinced myself that was silly  
and pushed those thoughts away.

Charlotte arrived at the time we had arranged, and we set off on the well-worn trails. The families  
who owned the farms in that area were close, and there were hundreds of acres belonging to five  
families that were shared for the pleasure of riding. The only rule to adhere by was to remain on  
the trails or in the woods and not take the horses through crop land or the pastures of other  
livestock.

We rode casually for a while, but eventually, Char took the lead, saying, "Oh! There's something  
back here I want to show you." I agreed without protest; she had likely been to some different  
places with the guys than I normally ventured on my own.

We diverted off a path in the woods and walked the horses through a wild apple orchard. As I  
looked around at the trees, I realized that they were lined up in rows too perfect to be wild. While  
the trees were unpruned and overgrown with weeds now, they must have been planted and  
harvested generations ago. The orchard led to a gate, and Charlotte dismounted her horse to  
open it. When I questioned her about it, she promised that it was okay and had me lead Sweetpea  
through before resuming our ride. Eventually, the trees thinned and we came to a clearing.  
Through a field of wildflowers and tall grass, I saw an old farmhouse in the distance with a barn  
behind it. I was obviously confused by this farm out in the middle of nowhere and why we were  
here, but Charlotte remained silent. The style of the house suggested that it was very old, but it  
was a pristine white and had a new looking porch wrapping around the three visible sides. The  
barn was definitely new, having been built with metal siding and a glistening silver roof.

I scanned the little farm quickly, and all at once I noticed three things that made me pull back on  
Sweetpea's reins. Around the back of the house, a white Jeep came into view. In the pasture was  
a beautiful bay horse with a single white sock marking on his front left leg and a broken stripe on  
his face; it was Rebel. Then there was the tall blond-haired man who stepped out onto the porch  
as we approached.

"Oh my god," I said louder than I intended. I jerked Sweetpea to a stop, and Charlotte circled back  
around on her horse.

"I'm sorry for tricking you into it, but you really need to see this. Come on."

"No, I can't."

"Yes you can. He didn't know I was bringing you over either. Please just do this."

"He doesn't want to see me," I whispered, shaking my head. "I broke up with him. I have no right  
to come here uninvited."

Charlotte looked at me with sad but determined eyes. "Yes, you do have a right to be here. I'm  
tired of seeing you both so unhappy, and there's so much you need to understand."

Reluctantly, I squeezed Sweetpea with my legs and she began walking forward. Jasper stepped off  
the porch, holding his hand above his eyes to shield them from the sunlight. I watched his mouth  
drop open and knew he recognized who had accompanied Char to his...new home? I couldn't be  
sure, but all the signs were there.

I followed Char to a water trough where the horses could drink, and we dismounted, tying them to  
the post there. I took my time, preening over Sweetpea unnecessarily because I was too afraid to  
turn around and face the man I knew I still loved with every ounce of my being. My stomach had

done somersaults upon seeing him, and there was no doubt in my mind that this meeting could  
destroy me all over again. I pulled out my ponytail and fluffed my hair in between my fingers  
before putting it back up. After a few deep breaths, I turned and faced the blue-gray eyes I had  
dreamed of and missed for months.

* * *

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**JPOV**

My first reaction when I stepped out of the house was panic.

I knew that Charlotte had run into Bella at the hospital, but she didn't give me any indication that  
they had become friends or that she planned to bring my ex over when she asked if I would be  
home today. By the look of shock I recognized on Bella's face, it was clear to me that she hadn't  
known either.

My panic gave way to anger. I wasn't fucking ready, and Charlotte knew that! There were still  
things that needed to be done and details I hadn't had time to perfect yet, and now I wouldn't be  
able to. I had moved into the house a few weeks ago, but I still had to complete the kitchen,  
install blinds and window dressings, and finish the landscaping. Now my plans were ruined.

As the women settled the horses, I closed my eyes and focused on what was important. Bella was  
here. After months of suffering through the deep wounds of her absence, staring at photos, and  
working my ass off to prepare to win her back, she was actually here. This wasn't a dream or  
photograph or fantasy; my baby was only feet away from me, so I would have to work with what I  
had. I couldn't really blame Charlotte for taking matters into her own hands. She, Peter, and all  
our friends, had watched me withdraw and suffer after the breakup, and they had encouraged me  
to hold onto my determination and finish what I had set out to do long before Bella ever left me.

Charlotte stepped away from the horses and looked at me seriously. She tipped her head toward  
Bella and walked to the barn with her phone up to her ear. Bella's back was still to me, so I moved  
closer. Maybe it was too close to be polite, but I just needed to be near her. When her beautiful  
dark eyes met mine, something in them gave me confidence. There was fear, hesitation, and  
anxiety, but I still saw longing and what I desperately hoped was love.

"Hello, Bella."

"H-hi," she said quietly, dropping her eyes to the ground. I couldn't stand not seeing her face, so I  
placed two fingers beneath her chin, lifting it back up toward me. She gasped at the contact, her  
lips forming a familiar O in response.

"That's better," I whispered, indulging myself as I took a chance and skimmed my knuckles over  
her cheek before dropping my hand. I felt emboldened when her eyes closed, not opening until  
our connection was broken.

She straightened herself and gazed up at me. "I'm sorry for showing up so unexpectedly. I didn't  
know... Char didn't tell me. What is all this, Jasper?"

God, my name on her lips was incredible, and it sent a rush of goosebumps over my skin. I missed  
her so damn much.

"Maybe it would be better for you to just take a look around. I can explain as we go."

She nodded her agreement, and we walked back toward the house. I stayed at her side, looking  
over at her and trying to read her reactions as she looked around and took it all in. We walked up  
to the porch and I stopped, turning to face her.

"You'll have to excuse the mess. It's still a work in progress." With that, we stepped inside, and

the tour began.

The house was pretty bare as far as furniture went. I had rewired the electricity, updated all the  
pipes and fixtures, and re-drywalled the entire house. Then came updating the molding, replacing  
the old staircase, new flooring where the old hardwood could not be salvaged, and finally painting  
it all. There was outside work as well. Furnishing the house was a bit of a last priority.

"I don't understand," Bella said quietly from beside me, walking through the living room up front  
and into the dining area. She circled around through the kitchen and I followed close behind her  
until she stopped at the foot of the stairs. "It's all beautiful, but..."

"It's the original farmhouse that my great great grandfather built. My grandpa lived here when he  
was a child, but he built the place up front - the one my parents live in - when he was in his  
twenties. After his parents died, it remained unoccupied and sort of fell apart. Do you want to see  
more?"

"Yes please," she replied, still very soft spoken and shy. I led her upstairs and allowed her to  
wander around and see the three bedrooms.

When she came back out to the hall after a slow survey of the place, I was leaning against the  
railing, awaiting her reaction.

"So this is what you've been doing since...for the last few months?" she asked.

I shook my head, and her eyebrows furrowed in question. "No, not for the past few months. I  
started about ten months ago. I've done pretty much all the work myself, other than having the  
new barn built, of course, so it's been a slow process."

"Ten months?" she asked, her face paling and a deeper confusion overtaking her features. "Why  
didn't you tell me about all this?"

I hated how hurt she looked, and I knew I needed to come clean about what had been going on  
before she left me.

"I told you that everything I did was for you, Bella," I said, taking a step closer to her and looking  
down into her eyes. She shivered at our closeness, and a small smile crept to my lips, despite the  
sadness that accompanied it. "I wasn't married to my job. I just told you I was working all those  
extra hours so I could come here and work on the house. The weekends, too."

I watched her eyes begin to glisten, and silent tears slid down her cheeks as she processed my  
confession. I wanted to say more because there was truly so much else to explain, but we were  
interrupted by two sets of footsteps on the porch and Peter's voice.

"Hello?" he called. "Can we come in?"

I look at Bella for a response and she nodded, wiping away her tears. "I'm just going to use your  
bathroom up here. I'll be down in a minute."

Leaving her to compose herself, I took a deep breath and bounded down the stairs to meet my  
friends.

"How's it going?" Peter asked softly.

"All right, I guess. We haven't said much. I just told her how long I've been working on it, but  
that's as far as we've gotten."

Charlotte placed her hand on my arm and spoke. "I'm sorry for springing this on you. We both  
are, but it hasn't been easy for us to see you go through it all. Jasper, it doesn't need to be perfect

yet, but you need her, and I'm certain that goes both ways."

Peter agreed and asked if I wanted them to go. Just then, Bella came down the stairs and offered  
us all a small smile.

"Don't go," she said. "I'd like to catch up with everyone, actually."

I felt a rush of relief at that, and everyone agreed. When Bella asked if she could put Sweetpea  
out to pasture with Rebel so she didn't have to stay tied up, Charlotte told us she had already  
taken care of that. It was a little presumptuous, but I wasn't complaining.

By the time we had all cleaned up a bit and sat on the porch talking for a while, it was late  
afternoon. As far as I knew, none of us had eaten lunch, but it was getting close to dinnertime  
anyway. I suggested we go somewhere, but Bella said she preferred to stay in and cook  
something at my house if I had food. She didn't seem to mind the makeshift kitchen, and in no  
time we had pasta and salad prepared. I still didn't have a dining set, so we returned to the porch,  
sitting casually with our plates in our laps and enjoying the company. It felt like old times, which  
gave me hope and made me nervous all at once. I didn't want to get used to Bella's presence if  
she was going to disappear again.

The sun began to set, and with a few beers, we talked and laughed together until the darkness  
overtook the light. Peter and Charlotte hugged both Bella and me before leaving in Peter's truck.  
Alone at last, I turned to Bella and waited for her to start our conversation again. It felt so good to  
just look at her and hear her voice, and I didn't want the day to end. We had shared many looks  
throughout the day, but I knew we had a long way to go and so much to discuss. It was nearly  
impossible to focus on anything, especially talking, when what I really wanted was to hold her, kiss  
her, and have her close to me again. It had been far too long, and my body remembered hers; I  
wanted her in every way.

Finally, she spoke again. "Tell me the rest please. The house, why you lied to me. I need to know  
everything."

"I'll tell you anything you want," I said honestly, but she shivered as a chilly breeze swept over the  
porch, and I suggested we move inside. She agreed, and since I only had one couch in the living  
room, we each look an end, pulling our feet up to face each other.

"Go on," she insisted.

Nervously, I began my explanation, hoping I would find the words to make it right...or at least start  
us in that direction. "I'm sorry for ever hurting you or making you feel like you weren't the most  
important thing in my world. You always have been. You still are. I was going to find you when  
the house was all done, which you can see it isn't, and just hope that it would be enough...that you  
would understand. But maybe Char and Peter were right to bring you here now. I've been so  
stupid."

"I still don't get it," she said, a hint of desperation lingering in her tone.

"Baby," I said, realizing my slip a moment too late. "I wanted to give you everything you asked for  
so badly. There is no one I could ever love more than you, and I just built this idea up in my mind  
for so long that it had to be perfect. I wanted to renovate this old house for us and give it to you  
when I asked you to marry me. I've hated waiting and every damn day has been harder, but it just  
had to be perfect for you. I needed you to see just how much I loved you and wanted to spend  
every day 'til I die by your side, so I just kept going and made you wait. I avoided your questions  
and just did it all...wrong."

My words had come out faster and faster as I admitted everything I had thought, and my final  
word was hardly a whisper. It was as though saying it all aloud made it more real, and for the first  
time, I finally saw why my friends had urged me to be honest with Bella.

The grand gesture I intended had completely failed.

"You still love me even after I left you?" she asked, tearing pricking in her eyes yet again.

"With all my heart," I told her.

"And you kept working on this for me even though I wouldn't speak to you?"

I nodded slowly.

She turned onto her knees and moved across the couch toward me. I didn't know what she had in  
mind, and I was so stunned by her reaction that I allowed her to push my legs down so she could  
crawl into my lap. She sat just above my knees and guided my hands to her hips. Leaning  
forward, she rested her forehead against mine and closed her eyes.

"I'm so stupid. You're so stupid. I hate this."

"I know," I whispered, shaking slightly when her fingers moved up the back of my neck and into  
my hair. "I miss you so much, baby. I'm sorry."

"Me too," she sniffled. "Both of those things; I'm sorry and I miss you. More than those words can  
say."

"Then show me." I said without thought, but they were the epitome of what I wished for. I needed  
more than just these words between us; I needed some physical manifestation of our feelings.

She nodded against my forehead, and I waited impatiently as she angled her mouth closer to  
mine. I could feel her lips hovering over mine, and then they were together. She was soft and  
sweet and everything I remembered yet so much more. She worked her lips against mine  
tentatively, and after a moment our tongues brushed and then stopped.

"I've been so empty without you," she breathed. "Can we fix us?"

"Yes, please," I answered, wrapping my arms around her and pulling our bodies together fully. "I'll  
do anything you want. I'll be whatever you need, but don't make me be without you anymore."

Bella kissed the corner of my mouth and slid to the side, pulling me with her so we could lay  
together on the couch. We enveloped each other in our arms and held on tightly. Neither of us  
spoke, but that was fine. I was perfectly content to simply hold my baby again, feel her body, take  
in her familiar scent, and listen to her breathe. She was still my whole world, even after our  
months apart.

At some point, we fell asleep. I woke later, wanting to keep her in my arms but sore and  
uncomfortable from the cramped space we were sharing. Instead, I lifted her into my arms and  
carried her upstairs. I laid her on the bed in the guest room - the bed where we slept in the  
apartment we used to share - and covered her with a warm blanket. She looked beautiful and  
peaceful with her hair splayed across the pillow and her lips puckered in a sleepy pout. I placed a  
single kiss on her forehead and went to my bedroom with the newer, larger bed that was devoid of  
any memories, just how I liked it; that had been the only way I could sleep after she left. I wanted  
to stay and hold her for the rest of the night, but this was too fresh, and I didn't want to  
overwhelm either of us. If Bella changed her mind or realized that she was too emotional and  
thinking rashly, the last thing I wanted was for her to wake up beside me uncomfortable and  
regretful.

In my bed alone, I thought about the day we had shared and how much I wanted to make this  
right. I didn't know how we would proceed, but I was completely honest when I told her I would do

anything. From the day we met, I have known she was my soul mate. Maybe that's why I took her  
for granted when I started working on the house...inadvertently driving her away.

* * *

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**BPOV**

When I woke with the early morning light streaming through a window, I knew I wasn't in my  
apartment. My dark curtains normally shielded the harsh light I was feeling, and the pillow and  
blanket here felt wrong. The scents, though...those were so right. I was cocooned in the smell of  
love...of home. Willing my eyes to open despite how exhausted I was, I remembered the previous  
day and everything I had learned and felt.

Jasper loved me. And wanted me. And had planned to propose to me. He hadn't been working  
crazy hours and committing himself to his job more than me; he had been slaving over  
renovations to this beautiful old house so that he could make my fairytale come true. Somewhere,  
we both lost our way, even though we really didn't stop loving each other and wanting the same  
thing, and we had both suffered for it.

I wanted to be mad that he had hidden this from me and eventually made me feel like I had to  
leave, but then again, I was the one who gave up on us. Considering everything he had done - all  
the time and sweat he had poured into it - I felt like a selfish, foolish bitch.

We were both responsible. Neither of us was responsible.

This was different, though. We still had to work on things, but the truth was out there. We wanted  
the same life, and if we worked together on it this time, it would be better. Now that we both  
knew what it was like to live without the other, we would never let that happen again.

With that realization, it hit me that I could be with him right now, and once that thought was in my  
head, I had a one-track mind. I lowered myself from the bed, feeling stiff and dirty in my riding  
jeans. I went into the bathroom, which was the only one on this floor. Old houses like this rarely  
had more than one; I could tell that the smaller half bath downstairs was an addition Jasper had  
made. Digging under the sink, I found a washcloth and a toothbrush still in the package. I cleaned  
myself up as well as possible without a shower and fresh clothes, but it was enough. All I wanted  
was to be with him. Looking at myself in the mirror, I smiled and removed my shirt and pants,  
tossing them in the corner.

Slowly, I crept into Jasper's bedroom and found the door halfway open. He was on his back, arms  
thrown over his head, and he looked ethereal in the light of dawn. The golden glow of the sun  
blended with his fair hair, making it shine. He was only wearing boxers, and at some point he had  
kicked the blanket and sheet down to his knees. He was long and lean and firm muscle that all  
called out to me. I knew his skin and every inch of his enticing body, and I wanted to feel it all  
under my hands again after so much time without. Climbing carefully into the bed, I propped  
myself on my elbow beside him and traced his lips with my fingertip. I smiled as he hummed  
contently, and for the first time in far too long, the happiness I felt radiated through my body and  
went straight to my heart.

I snuggled into his side and rested my cheek over his left side to listen to his heartbeat. His arm  
curled around me and squeezed my body closer to his. I lay still as he slowly came to life, legs  
stretching and his hands rubbing against my mostly bare skin. I knew he was truly awake when  
his movements froze and his body stiffened.

"Hey," he muttered in the sexiest scratchy morning voice. "When did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago," I said, looking up at him. "I hope you don't mind. You put me in the other  
room, so I hope doesn't mean-"

"Shh..." he cut me off. "I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable when you woke up, but I like  
this."

"Me too."

"Mmm...and all this? Even better," he said with a lazy smile as he angled my body halfway over  
his and rubbed his large hands over my back. They weren't soft, but they felt so damn good. All  
the work he did left calluses and scars along his strong hands, but they were a part of him I had  
always loved. He complemented me.

Feeling suddenly shy for some silly reason, I closed my eyes when I leaned up to kiss him. He  
accepted me willingly, but pushed me away before things could continue.

"Hold on just one second."

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Bathroom. Gotta brush my teeth."

I laughed because I had never cared about morning breath with him, but he probably wanted to  
clean up a little bit too. I waited anxiously until he returned, and when he did, I was pinned  
beneath him and kissed properly. It was absolutely perfect, and I never wanted to stop. That  
went on for so long, and there were no words to describe just how good it felt to simply kiss him  
again and feel the weight of his body over mine. Our hands roamed and our mouths played, and I  
was joyful. Eventually, his lips moved away from mine and down my neck. He lavished my skin  
with attention, and it sent the most amazing sensations between my legs. He knew that it drove  
me wild when he would lick and suck at my neck and collarbone, and he was definitely  
reacquainting himself with that area.

Those kisses moved lower, and he reached behind me to unclasp my bra. Instead of going  
straight for my breasts, he slid his hands behind my back again and massaged the skin where my  
bra straps had been. I'd been wearing it since yesterday morning, and his care and tenderness  
felt fantastic. He whispered a hundred I love yous against my breasts and stomach, and my hands  
found a natural place in his hair, combing, gripping, and pulling in response to whatever divine  
things he was doing to me.

When I couldn't take anymore teasing, I dragged him up by his hair and used my hands to urge  
him to settle over me. His warm skin against mine made it difficult to focus, but I needed this  
moment. I stroked his face and tucked his hair behind his ears as we stared at one another. I  
needed those lovely eyes focused on me so that I would know he understood me.

"I love you so much. I know this isn't some movie where everything is going to magically repair  
itself, but it's you and me, and I just need you. I need to feel your love, Jasper."

"Are you sure?" he asked, concern written clearly in his eyes. "We can wait. There's never been a  
time I didn't want you like this, but we can work our way back."

"No, baby. Now. Give me every piece, and let me show you how you make me whole."

"You're my puzzle piece," he whispered, reminding me of one romantic conversation we'd had long  
ago.

"Only you fit me," I nodded.

No more words were needed as he kissed me again and discarded our underwear without  
hesitation or question. We touched one another, gasping and breathing excitedly at how  
wonderful and reviving it felt to have the other do those things and to be able to do it as well. I

had missed feeling his weight in my hand, and I inwardly looked forward to all the other things I  
could do for him.

We both knew what we really needed, so he gave that to me, sinking deeply into me with a  
satisfied grunt. My arms and legs wrapped around his torso, and we moved together in a steady,  
loving, savoring rhythm. He kissed me when he could, and I ran my thumb under his eyes when I  
saw a slight glisten there. I took his tears and kissed them from my thumbs, and his lips pressed  
against my eyelids in the same loving gesture.

"I won't ever leave...I can't," I promised him.

"I'll give you the world," he responded.

"All I want is you."

"I know, baby."

There were no fireworks or over the top reactions when it was over; it didn't need to be the  
greatest sex or orgasms ever. It was just our love manifested in a physical reconnection, and it  
was everything we desired.

After a slow shower and some coffee, I reluctantly decided it was time to go home. I needed to  
get Sweetpea back to Esme's, and I had to work later that night anyway.

"Why don't you let me drive you home?" Jasper suggested.

"But what about Sweetpea?"

A smile lifted one corner of his mouth and he pulled me into a warm embrace. "I was thinking she  
could stay here. The barn in too big just for Rebel, and you wouldn't have to pay to board her  
anymore. Not to mention that I'd like to take a ride with you soon."

"Really?" I asked.

"Of course. Why do you think I had the barn built?"

I agreed, and he dropped me off at my apartment, giving me a long, lingering kiss before letting  
me go.

Things moved slowly after that. We spent more time together when our work schedules allowed it,  
and we got reacquainted to one another. It wasn't as though either of us had changed  
dramatically, but it felt right to take our time. We kissed and held each other, but I didn't spend  
the night, and we didn't make love again. In a way, I felt it was necessary to reconnect and purge  
that undeniable physical need the first night in order to progress now. The time for more deep  
intimacy would come soon enough, and we were both comfortable where we were, waiting and  
getting reacquainted.

Two weeks later, Jasper bought me ice cream from a shoppe in town, and he asked to take me on  
a real date. He wouldn't give me any details or hints about it, but I happily agreed.

It was a Friday night, and I didn't have to work again until Sunday evening. I wore a blue and  
green dress that I had bought on a shopping trip with Char when she said it looked great with my  
hair and eyes, and my hair was down in thick barrel curls. When Jasper arrived at my apartment,  
he handed me a dozen yellow roses - my favorite - one at a time. With each, he told me  
something he loved about me. In the Jeep, he tied a scarf over my eyes, blindfolding me, and  
during the ride he shared memories of special moments together. I loved his retelling of the day  
we met the most, and I giggled happily when he described my butt in my riding jeans or how he  
couldn't stop staring at the streak of dirt across my cheek.

He made turns and went down old dirt roads and smooth paved ones. I truly had no clue where  
we could be headed, so I gave up trying to guess. When the Jeep stopped, he came around to my  
side and helped me down, leaving my blindfold on. He guided me across grass and positioned me  
where he wanted. His hands left me, and he instructed me to remove the scarf.

When my eyes adjusted, I realized that we were in his yard, standing in front of the wide steps to  
the porch. Confused, I looked at him, but he had dropped down to the ground. Correction, he had  
dropped down to one knee, and he was gazing up at me with the most loving, enraptured look in  
his eyes.

"Isabella Swan," he began, taking my hands in his, "you are everything to me. What I have to  
offer isn't the finished product. I hope you don't mind because I wanted it all to be perfect, but I'm  
just too damn impatient for that, and I've screwed things up enough already. I don't want to wait  
another minute to spend my life with you; I want forever to start now.

"I bought this ring a year ago, and I should have given it to you then. If you'll have me, I will be  
the luckiest man alive if you agree to be my wife. All of this is yours if you want it - the house, the  
barn, my heart - so please tell me yes."

I stared at the ring he had taken out while speaking and nodded furiously until he slid it onto my  
finger. I bit my lip to hold back the inevitable tears and fell to my knees in front of him. "Yes,  
Jasper. A thousand times, yes," I told him, pulling his face to mine and kissing him hard. He held  
me as if his life depended on it, and he dragged us to our feet. Mouths still locked together, he  
hoisted me up and guided my legs around his waist. I made no objections when he carried me  
into the house and set me down, pulling my dress over my head before pinning me against the  
wall.

We loved each other until the sun began to rise and we both collapsed from lack of sleep and  
exertion. When we finally rose in the afternoon, I tilted my left hand back and forth in the  
sunlight, watching my ring sparkle and shine. Jasper chuckled and kissed my temple each time he  
caught me doing it.

Later, after more romance, we dressed and went out to the barn. Luckily, I had left some extra  
clothes there since Sweetpea had relocated. We spent time with our horses and laughed and  
played together.

After all the hurt, pain, and secrets, we'd figured everything out, and I knew, true to Jasper's words  
the previous night, our forever had begun.


End file.
